Don’t get me wrong. I love people. Mostly. There are a few that I really dislike, and that makes me feel guilty. Am I a bad person for not loving everyone? I’m getting off track.
Let me start again. I love people. I enjoy being with them, I like parties (when everyone is not a complete stranger), and I even have fun at big events, like concerts and fairs. When I am in church, I try to talk to others the whole time. But it exhausts me. I go home and take a nap. I am an introvert. I need time to read and write and think.
Being an introvert bothers me at times, like when I am invited to a gathering and my first thought is, “But there will be people there. I’m not sure I should go.” When I do go, it ends up one of two ways. I either find someone (or maybe two) to talk to, and I feel like the event was great, or I feel like I am drowning in insipid small talk, and I can’t wait to leave. I have to push myself to go, mostly because I don’t want to end up as one of those people who hasn’t left their house in weeks, surrounded by empty Chinese food containers and Cheetos bags.
Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, of course, and most of my strengths are common to introverts. I’ve been told that I listen well, and it generally takes me a while to process things. Taking more time to think through things could be considered a problem by some, but it allows me to make connections that I would miss if I tried to react faster. Being a good listener is often related to taking time to think about what is being said to me. It has been really beneficial for me as I do therapy.
I would love to be one of those energetic, life of the party types, but I’ve learned that trying to be like that wears me out, and it always feels forced to me. I’ve just spent a few days at a huge convention with thousands of people, and as you might imagine, it has been a challenge for me at times. Nevertheless there have been a few encounters that have made it worthwhile. I reconnected with someone I used to work with, and I had a few good conversations — one with a random person sitting next to me, which is a rare occurrence. And I enjoyed the presentations.
Upworthy recently asked their readers about something that they enjoyed that many others wouldn’t understand. The most common answer was some variation of “being alone.” One response said, “Being alone isn’t isolating oneself. It’s intentional peace and healthy… especially for deep feelers/thinkers.”
It turns out that studies show people who enjoy spending time alone are significantly less likely to be neurotic (the moody, worrying, Woody Allen type people), and are more likely to be open-minded. I would put myself in the open-minded camp, but I’d also say that I worry a bit, so I’m not sure I fit the profile perfectly.
We are all social beings. We need each other to survive and to thrive. It is the amount of time that we need to spend with others and the way that we gather energy that varies. In general, I’ve become more comfortable with who I am, and that helps me to make better decisions about what I can and can’t do. But it has taken a lot of years. And there is still some unfulfilled part of me that would love to be the lead singer in a rock band. Maybe in some other life.
