For much of my life, I was very focused. I had assignments to do, work to complete, people to see, places to go. I still have some of those things, but they don’t take up as much space in my life. What I have found is that I enjoy doing a lot of nothing. One of my favorite things right now is to go get my haircut at a barbershop where everyone is from Albania, and I can’t understand a thing. I just sit there and listen to the barbers and other people talk in a language that isn’t even a little bit familiar. I sort of daydream with a foreign dialog in the background.
On a day when I don’t have any clients, I may read or watch TV or take a walk. I may think about getting a doughnut at The Good Place that is several miles away. If I go there I may take the long way, and stop if I feel like it.
I still see clients, and I have a couple of things that I’m working on, but to be honest, I’m not as concerned about work as I used to be. All of this makes me wonder about what it is that I should be doing with my time and whether I need a purpose for each day of my life. I know that there are some of my clients who are struggling because they feel like they don’t know what to do with their lives. I know others who are still focused on making money as though that is the answer to all of their problems. Or others who are finding that experiencing the world through travel gives them enough stimulation. The thing is, even when you go away, your problems follow you. If you’re anxious at home, you’ll be anxious in a new place. If you feel lost at home, you may really feel lost in a new place.
Author Kurt Vonnegut on telling his wife he’s going out to buy an envelope:
“Oh, she says, well you’re not a poor man. You know, why don’t you go online and buy a hundred envelopes and put them in the closet? And so I pretend not to hear her. And go out to get an envelope because I’m going to have a hell of a good time in the process of buying one envelope. I meet a lot of people. And see some great looking babies. And a fire engine goes by. And I give them the thumbs up. And I’ll ask a woman what kind of dog that is. And, I don’t know. The moral of the story is — we’re here on Earth to fart around. And, of course, the computers will do us out of that. And what the computer people don’t realize, or they don’t care, is we’re dancing animals. You know, we love to move around. And it’s like we’re not supposed to dance anymore.” (from a PBS interview conducted in 2005 between David Brancaccio and Kurt Vonnegut)
Maybe that’s what a day spent goofing off is like — a dance. I shuffle this way and that way, and soon an hour has gone by. If I think about it too hard, it can feel like I’ve wasted time, but that’s really the point. It’s an exercise in finding a different way to be. It’s also quite countercultural — everyone else is rushing around, pushing hard. On a goof off day, I drive in the right lane, and the movers and shakers don’t bother me quite as much.
One of the other benefits of slowing down and wandering is being able to see more clearly all the things that are around me. When I take a walk now, I notice the yards that are well taken care of, and I think about how much time it takes to put together a really beautiful garden. Every once in a while, I will see a bird that I like. I don’t know their names. but that might be something that I investigate tomorrow.
There is something freeing about not having an agenda. Among other things, I find that my mind moves to new topics. I’ve always enjoyed learning, and so I play with my computer and take some online courses and read a bunch. I might find something that I want to delve into deeper, and I may not. I remember going to the library as a boy and finding something new and then reading everything I could find about that new thing. It was fun.
You may have noticed that as I write this, I’m in the middle of one of those days, and this blog post suffers a little for it. It meanders a little, and isn’t very focused. That’s ok. Maybe I can encourage someone to take a break.
I appreciated the post, but maybe even more the comments. I too have the "need to be productive" disease, but when I do "mess around," the rewards can be great. Did that just yesterday with a detour that wasted gas, got me home later, and was a blast!
Thanks for this, Bob.
In retirement I savor the time to learn new knowledge areas, mostly through reading. Quite a luxury. So grateful to live long enough to keep learning. Now, remembering what I learn…that’s the catch. Brain like a steel sieve.
I feel like I've moved into retirement pretty well, but I can still feel some of the productivity pressures of my working life. The “Be All That You Can Be” Army ad jingle is playing in my brain presently.
I also have been somewhat of a workaholic my whole life, so it’s hard to shake the “doing nothing” guilt even now, when I have the daily choice. I am getting better, but sometimes an "unstructured" day can be intimidating. Volunteering helps some.