Transitions

Change is hard.

My disruption score has gone from four to eleven.

Transition Number One

We just moved our psychology practice office. (Just to plug it for the benefit of Google: It’s Willow Wellness Center, www.willowwellness.com, and it’s a great place to get some care. Now back to our show … ) It’s not a huge place, basically five offices, a kitchen, and a waiting room. But because we have the ability to do therapy online, we went from around 3,000 square feet to around 1,750. Let’s just say half as much space. So we had to get rid of a ton of stuff.

The move itself went fine. The young guys who hauled our stuff were very nice and there was minimal damage. The difficulty started once we tried to set up the office. Our old desks were too big, our chairs were two numerous, and we had to make some hard decisions about which books to keep and which ones to give away. This was the hardest part for me, because I love books. It was easy to pare down the 20 year old textbooks, but the novels that I love? Or the essays that changed my life? It gave me little comfort that I can now buy most of them for two bucks on Kindle. It was like pulling teeth (that happened to me recently, too, but that’s another story).

The physical office wasn’t the only glitch, of course. Changing addresses online is more difficult than I remember, as every organization now is super careful to check everything about you including your underwear size (XL) before they believe that it is actually you who wants to make a change. Then there were new addresses needed for business cards, checks, insurance companies, banks, business licenses, and probably several other things that I haven’t realized yet. It is a pain. Luckily, we’re happy in the new space.

Transition Number Two

At the same time, I was having problems with my website, because some hackers were having a blast setting up little bots to try to guess my login credentials and signing up with fake names for my email list. You can read more about all that here.

So I switched provider platforms, and here I am on Substack. So far, Substack itself has been great, but the transfer of all of my old posts that was supposed to be so easy just didn’t work. So I have been either rewriting them from scratch, or I’ve been copying from some notes that I have. Now I’m trying to decide if it is worth the time to build up my archive, or if I should just move forward. At this point, I’ve been doing a little of both.

I’ve learned a lesson. I’m a compulsive backer-upper, with several places that I store old files. But I’ve learned that the backup of WordPress sites is not so straightforward. I may play with this more later if I find the time, but for now all my backups have been only marginally useful. The lesson is that I need to not only backup data, but also to restore it in a different place, to make sure that it is usable in the form that I need it.

Transition Number Three

I retired from my primary job a couple years ago. I had been working for the Veterans Administration. I call it my primary job because it was the source of most of my income, but I’ve always done several things at once, so I’ve still got my hands in a few different pies — a private practice, preaching at my church, and writing.

I looked forward to a life that allowed me travel, to read, to watch TV, and to have the freedom to decide not to do anything that I didn’t want to do. I was kidding myself.

Despite feeling like I never have enough time to do all the things I want to do, I have found this change surprisingly difficult. I get bored easily. My mind is constantly battling thoughts about my purpose, making a difference, and if I am doing enough for others. I’ve toyed with the idea of going back to work, I’ve tried several volunteer gigs, and I’ve sat around and felt lost and sorry for myself. People give me plenty of advice, but none of it feels quite right.

Transition Number Four

I used to trust our government, more or less. Maybe I was naive. Even when I disagreed with the decisions that were made, it felt like the process was generally following the law. Now I’m watching as the law is ignored or blatantly disregarded.

This shift means that I need to change, too. I’ve become much more cynical and skeptical about the news. I’ve been looking for varied sources of information in order to test what I am hearing. I’m also searching for ways to challenge illegal actions, whether by donating to opposition groups, voicing my concern, or direct action. This is uncomfortable for me.

Change means giving up the status quo, which is a known quantity. It is also an uncertain time, which can be a little scary. I know from years of hearing other people’s stories that none of this is unusual. Folks usually feel untethered for a while, but then make some decisions and settle into a routine that feels more comfortable. I believe that this will happen for me too, eventually, but it feels like it won’t happen anytime soon. I also have a nagging dread of the immediate future that feels new and scary. Meanwhile, I’ll be writing about the process here, and trying to find some interesting parts of it to share.